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Collingwood Q & A
Q. What is a Collingwood fan's worst nightmare?
A. A 3rd Rocca brother.
Q. If you see a Collingwood fan on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him?
A. It could be your bicycle.
Q. What do Collingwood fans and sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Q. What do you have when 100 Collingwood fans are buried up to their necks in sand?
A. Not enough sand.
Q. What's the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead Collingwood fan on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q. You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a Collingwood fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What do you do?
A. Shoot the Collingwood fan - twice.
Q. What's the difference between Mick Malthouse or Eddie McGuire and a jet engine?
A. A jet engine eventually stops whining.
Q. How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and Mick Malthouse/Eddie McGuire to say that if the umpire had done his job in the first place the light bulb would never have gone out.
Classic Wobblers
1 Did you hear that the Post Office had to recall their latest stamps?
They had pictures of Collingwood players on them. People couldn't
figure out which side to spit on.
2 Did you hear about the politician who was found dead in a Collingwood
jersey? The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to
save his family from the embarrassment.
3 Four surgeons are taking a coffee break. The first one says,
"Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up
everything inside them is numbered." The second surgeon says, "Nah,
librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical
order." Third surgeon says, "Try electricians. Everything inside them is
colour-coded." The fourth one says, "I prefer Collingwood fans. They're
heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and bums are
interchangeable."
4 A Collingwood fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Collingwood jumper. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St Peter in a St. Kilda scarf.
"Hello, mate," says St Peter, "I'm sorry, no Collingwood fans in heaven." "What?" exclaims the man, astonished. "You heard. No Collingwood fans."
"But, but, but, I've been a good man," replies the Collingwood supporter."Oh, really?" says St Peter. "What have you done then?"
"Well," says the guy, "three weeks before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the starving children in Africa." "Oh," says St Peter. "Anything else?" "Well, two weeks before I died, I also gave 20 bucks to the homeless. "Hmmm. Anything else?" "Yeah. A week before I died, I gave 20 bucks to the Albanian orphans.
"Okay," says St Peter, "you wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor."
Ten minutes pass before St Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, "I've had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here's your sixty bucks back, NOW NICK OFF!"
Collingwood Cakewalk I | More Funnies
